I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
