I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
home. puking in laundry basket.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
