we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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