Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
