This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
