bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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