Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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