Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
