At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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