I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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