Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
