There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
