Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
