if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
