please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the condom got lost in my hair
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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