Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
