You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
