New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
