you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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