a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
