Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
