my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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