Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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