Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
