I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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