I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
