dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
