I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
