he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize