These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
