I look better un-naked...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
