Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We talked him into tasing himself.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have aggressive nipples.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
