She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
