I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
