Got a toothbrush?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
