i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
