Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
worst night to have a conscience
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
