big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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