hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
