I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
