So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
