WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
