tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
