I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
