I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
