So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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