then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
