my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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