You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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