my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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