I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
