Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
