So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize