thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
