I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
