So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
