Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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