you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
