I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize