So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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