If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
