The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
