It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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