i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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