oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
