Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
