hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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