We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
