Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
