Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
