dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Couch. On fire.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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