I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
