I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
