If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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