My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
