I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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