I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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