i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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