My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
