Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize