after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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