Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize