Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
