Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
