i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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