I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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