i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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