I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
