I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
