A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize