Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
