im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
