So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
