Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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